RANSVESTIA

Eventually I learned that her motives were not all they seemed and when it became clear to me that I was never going to receive the special girdle she was making for me, I gave up this contact deciding that the domination bit, however fascinating and amusing, was not for me. I wrote the $40 "girdle money" off as experience. However, because of this contact, who asked me to get some "special books,” I discovered the "bookstores" in New York and happened to see the TV magazines. That was over a year ago and since that time I have bought all the num- bers that were still available. There is no need to praise TVia here again. All TV's know how fascinating, helpful and interesting it is. They have helped me realize the importance to us to try and inform others and I will try to make some waves in my small neck of the woods, as far as this can be done without security risks.

And this brings us up to the present. I now feel I have the problem, if you wish to call it that, pretty well under control. I am no longer an active member of my church and service club, feeling that should dis- covery occur at some unhappy time it might reflect on them. Having decided that TV is about as difficult to erase as crabgrass in my lawn - and I have been fighting that with equal perserverance for 15 years — I feel that at my age I should have the right to this manner of self expression, if it can be done without harming anyone else.

I will not tell my children. I feel they have already had a hard enough time finding their own identity, especially during puberty and during these days of tremendous pressures at school. And I do not wish to add to this any special adjustment they might have to make on learning about my TV. However, during our man-to-man sex-education talks, I put many a good word in for TV's, I can assure you.

I have relearned the ability to laugh at myself and I suspect that if one saw me dress, that there would be plenty to laugh about. I dress about once a week, still at the office. My favorite attire is a simple white blouse and skirt. I have mail-ordered a wig from California, which, while it is supposedly human hair, feels more like barbed wire with the barbs rusted off. It makes me look too tall, especially when I wear my canoe-sized 2” heels, (12D or 13D, I blissfully forget, but way too large). I am planning to consult a beautician in the city, as I prefer to get professional advice over amateurish experimentation and getting my face all schmeared. And then eventually I have to find my way to a wig shop to get myself some nice curls. Too bad I cannot let my own hair grow. It has a very nice wave in it which makes my wife jealous. I

69